Christmas With Uncle Ned

If you want a good time go visit Uncle Ned

He lives in the house on the hill

He’s a jolly old fellow with a snow-white head

And a heart as true as steel.

When I was a girl he lived alone

Now I’m big and he lives there still

There’s not a better house in the country ‘round

Than the old gray house on the hill.

One day Brother Bill came home from school

A laughing and merry as you please

He said he had a plan, and he tried to tell

But he couldn’t for his funny “tee-hee’s”

But finally he said he had a plan

To surprise old Uncle Ned

But we can’t do a thing unless you girls

Will help us, Laughing Bill said.

Then he told us the secret between his laughs

Made us promise not a word to tell

Then he said “Remember on Christmas Night

We meet at the foot of the hill”.

When the sun went down on Christmas Night

Bill beat us to the foot of the hill

We had a basket - he had a sack

And our hearts began to thrill -

“For look!” said we “at the light in the house

Our plans they shall go well

We’ll make it a Christmas we won’t forget

In the old gray house on the hill”.

We crept to the house as still as a mouse

Brother Bill, Sister Jane and I

“Now remember your parts and don’t forget”

Said Bill as he winked his eye

Bill filled the sack and we tied the string

Then we opened the kitchen door

There sat Uncle Ned by the kitchen stove

With Rover, his dog on the floor.

As we opened the door Uncle Ned looked up

And his “Howdy Children” rang clear

It filled our hearts and made us wish

‘Twas Christmas every day in the year.

Jane set the basket down on the floor

(It was covered and he couldn’t see

What we had in it) oh we had a joke

We little school-children three.

Jane set the basket down on the floor

Then back out into the night

Went Jane and I to get the sack

Which was far more heavy than light.

With many a puff and many a pull

We got the sack into the house

We said not a word for minute or two

The room was still as a mouse.

Then “Three guesses what we have here, Uncle Ned!”

“Books” – “Oh! No,” and we shook our head

How merrily we laughed when he looked surprised

And ask if it were “fresh bread”?

“One more” said we “you have one more guess”

“Oh I know” said his twinkling eyes

If not books or bread – something better instead

It must be fat mince pies.”

“Right” shouted we in childish glee

But you can’t have a single smack

“Till you cross your heart and say you’ll eat

The first one that comes out of the sack”.

”I cross my heart and promise I will”

Said he as he crossed his knee.

“Alright” said we and we gave such a shout

Rover watched the fun to see.

With a stroke of his knife he cut the string

Then – suddenly he jumped back

With a whoop of joy – out rolled a boy

Bill had put himself into the sack!

Uncle Ned sat down in his big arm-chair

He threw his white head back

He shook with laughter from heal to crown

At the joke in the old grass sack.

“You have fooled Old Ned, my pets” he said

As he lifted the pies from the floor

“’Tis the jolliest Christmas I’ve ever had

Let’s eat these pies – we four.

Written by Ida May Schaffer

December 1921

Age of 16